Two weeks ago I found myself, Christmas lights in hand and cigar dangling from my lips, humming the tune, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.” It was my way of humoring myself; of turning my life into an Orwellian satire. Four hours into my Saturday and five rungs up a ladder; my patience had run out six minutes ago. Three deep breaths and two more trees later, we were finished. Mom and I stood back and for one eternal moment, admired our creation. The house was decorated and we were ready for Christmas: the most wonderful time of the year.
As the young lawyer (and repressed philosopher/psychologist) I can’t help but wander is this really the most wonderful time of the year? I mean, for the young personal injury lawyer, it certainly is. We are celebrating weekly with our clients at Aronfeld Trial Lawyers as we settle case after case. Any other plaintiffs attorney would know that this is the time when insurance companies love to settle and clear their books for the New Year. But sans the world of personal injury law, back in the real world, lets get to the heart of the question. Perhaps we should be so brave as to call Christmas to the stand and subject her to cross-examination.
Now Christmas, isn’t it true that you are dubbed to be, the most wonderful time of the year?
You would agree that part of being the most wonderful time of the year involves spending days with Christmas lights in hand in an attempt to light up a yard?
And of course you would agree that after one strings up most of the lights, half will not work?
While the other half will intermittently tease you, and ultimately stop working only after you finish replacing the other half of he lights not working?
And isn’t it true that Christmas will also require you to make a trip to the local Christmas tree lot to buy a Christmas tree (or Hanakah bush)?
A tree with needles you will spend the next four weeks sweeping up and picking off the bottom of your feet before crawling into bed?
And finally, isn’t it right that you, Christmas, will require at least three trips to the local mall?
Where you will spend exorbitant amounts of money and time to buy presents for the ones you love?
Presents which may or may not be exchanged, or worse, re-gifted?!
And then, in an attempt to seal the deal, the young lawyer turns the jury, gives a quick smirk, and then turns back to Christmas before making the fatal mistake of cross-examination; asking an open-ended question. ***GASP***
Now Christmas, you still believe you are the most wonderful time of the year?
To which Christmas, like any good witness, runs with.
Absolutely. Thanks to me, once a year people gather with their families around good food, drink and conversation. Children are excited about the idea of receiving presents from this mysterious man named Santa Clause. There are eight days of gifts for my Jewish brothers celebrating Chanukah. Families are united. The world is aglow in the joys of a new year. And for my Christian brothers, we remember the birth of a savior. Love is overflowing. So yes, I firmly believe I, Christmas am the most wonderful time of the year.
The young lawyer knows he has just lost his case. He glances at the jury, smiling at Christmas. Somewhere in the distance, he swears he hears someone humming a Christmas carol. Slowly, he turns to the Judge, “No further questions, your honor. And Happy Holidays to you all.”