June 3, 2013
On the way to work this morning, while attempting to navigate the complexities that arise on the OTHER side of US-1, my phone rang. When I reached for it, I hesitated for a second, as everything somehow went blank. This is often the case when a flood of memories overwhelms your senses. It has a way of shutting down your consciousness. In that moment you understand that you are living, but for thirty seconds, living is not an emotion – it’s a state. Deep breath, and here it goes, “Hello…”
Today I reconnected with another young lawyer. This person was pivotal in my journey from layman to counselor. Without vacillation I will admit I would not be where I am today were it not for her guidance and support. Oftentimes, it steered me most in the quiet and blind moments when I found myself confronted with a problem, alone. What would she do? Or if she were watching me right now, how would I act? And in my most primitive of seconds, when the answer seemed too remote in space and time, she was always a text message or email away. One year ahead of me, I was privy to experience, front row, the life of a first year attorney when I was but a virgin.
Its only now I am beginning to understand moments that once upon a time were as foreign as remote African villages. While my heart may have stopped when I heard her voice today, it was not long before I found myself grounded and back on earth. On the way to the gym, I had one of those primitive moments, and as always, the answer was a text message away. I admitted my fear, and in return, received an acknowledgment that this fear was real. Like always, her answer, just like her very existence, gave me hope. “It gets better,” echoes in my mind as these words flow from my fingers.
Oftentimes the life of the young lawyer can be a lonely existence. I never foresaw this happening. As I so boldly stated in my first entry, we are bred to believe the life of the young lawyer is glamorous, sociable, and filled with promiscuous revelry. Instead, I find at times there is a loneliness that follows the journey of the young lawyer.
Learning to live this life is akin to learning to walk again. It’s the stunning realization that every day when I wake up, put on my suit, check my tie, and walk through the doors of Aronfeld Trial Lawyers, I am encountering a world where other people’s fate rest delicately in the palms of my hands. At times, this hits me like a ton of bricks because if I fail, I not only fail myself, but I fail my clients. My failure is in and of itself, someone else’s failure through no fault of their own. It’s at times like these that I am not just learning to walk again, but reminding myself that before one can walk, one must crawl. Before one can crawl, one must even remember to breathe.
Today I was reminded of this, our evolution. Today I reminded myself to breathe.